Feeling Normal in a not so Normal World

"Do you practice what you preach?"

A WAAPA student recently asked me that simple question

I was halted.

I'd not thought of what I taught as preaching, but as I cast my white-board marker heaven-ward like a pastoral staff, proclaiming the joys of nervous system regulation, body-mind unity, and philosophical wisdom perhaps he was right

But what was I preaching? And did I PRACTICE it?

What I said next was maybe not so expected

I didn't say I meditate, exercise and journal every day
I drink green smoothies and eat steamed salmon
I bath in lavender water and get to bed by 10pm
I practice gratitude and have a positive mindset...

What I said was the truth. 

I get anxious, I get depressed, I get angry
I make bad decisions...
Work too much
Eat too much cake and hot chips
Ignore my own needs

I'm a normal (Western) person. But I've learnt that my body, nervous system, and 'human' needs certain things and if I ignore them there's consequences 

BUT the thing I practice the most. The thing I think worth preaching. And what I wanted my students to digest.

*I don't give myself a hard time for being normal!*

I don't berate myself
I don't treat myself with distain
I don't bully myself
(Except occasionally... cause I'm normal!)

I'm also critical of social conditioning
I'm not trying to be a Super mum
A model
A peaceful guru

Gloria's speech in The Barbie Movie isn't mine -
I stopped agreeing to the 'impossible life' long ago
I let myself be.
I let myself be normal.
And I actively remind myself 'I AM NORMAL!'

I even say to myself "If I’m doing it... if I'm feeling it... it must be normal."

As Moshe points out in The Potent Self  "People who have emotional difficulties are generally worried whether they are normal or not." When we're feeling anxious or depressed we worry these feeling aren' t normal. But the nervous system is millions of years old. And our threat responses - no matter how gross they feel - are normal.

I've made peace with my threat responses and no longer have a THREAT response to my THREAT responses. My Nervous System is just doing what it's designed to do. Sure it's unpleasant, but so is the flu.

So when anxiety, anger, loneliness, or confusion arise I just ask myself - WHAT DO YOU NEED?

Because like psychiatrist R.D. Lang I think insanity is "a perfectly rational response to an insane world" My ‘silly’ threat responses are perfectly rational responses to my silly threatening world.

In Johann Hari's chapter 'The Cow' in 'Lost Connections' he shares a story of a rice farmer who becomes depressed after loosing his leg in a land mine explosion. A Western Doctor suggested anti-drepressants. But his community saw his depression as a perfectly normal response to loosing his leg - which affected his capacity to work and meaningfully contribute to his community, so his community rallied together and bought him a cow. (Because you can be a dairy farmer with one leg)

His depression lifted.
The Cow became his Cure

When we berate ourselves we fail to appreciate our feelings are normal - given the circumstances

And one thing I remind students constantly is that the CIA isolate their prisoners, take away their agency, deprive them of sun, sleep, touch and love... to break them. “Does this sound like your life?!” I ask them.

If you're not getting much sleep, sun, laughter or love... If you feel you have no agency... if you can’t share your gifts with the world… depression/anxiety is surely a normal response?!

Painting by Made Wiradana, 2002, Amra Museum, Ubud, Indonesia